INSIGHTAotearoa
A newsletter for New Zealand's insight meditation practitioners and communities
kanya @ insightaotearoa.org | http://www.insightaotearoa.org
Monday May 2, 2011
The theme of this issue is ‘Dealing with Fear’
Kia Ora,
In this newsletter you’ll find…
EDITORIAL: The Many Faces of Fear
WISE WORDS: Shantideva
REFLECTION I: Leaning Into Fear, Tara Brach
POEM: Again and Again, Rashani
REFLECTION II: Working With Fear, Barbara Hammonds
WISE WORDS: Rumi
CULTIVATING THE DHARMA GARDEN: Dealing with Fear in the Dharma Garden
WISE WORDS: Ian McCrorie
BOOK REVIEW: ‘Unlearning Meditation’ by Jason Siff
THEMES: For upcoming issues
RESOURCES: for Dharma study and support
NEW! ON-LINE ARTICLE: Studies show physical benefits of meditation
NEW! ON-LINE INTERVIEW: Tragic vision and the first ennobling truth
THE LAST WORD: Andrew Olendzki
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EDITORIAL: The Many Faces of Fear
When we begin to investigate, we can get a glimpse of how much the contracting force of fear permeates our lives. Nervousness, anxiety and agitation can all be manifestations of fear, as well as the more obvious mind states of panic and terror. It’s interesting to explore how much of what we plan and hope for, and the choices we make in our lives, are influenced by fear: that we may not have enough love; security; money. Fear that we are not good enough, or deserving enough; fear of abandonment and of loneliness; and the fear of death.
When the first generation of monks were practicing in the forests of Asia, they experienced a lot of fear – that they would be harmed by wild animals and “evil” nature spirits. The Buddha taught them Loving-Kindness meditation as an antidote to the mind-states of fear, so their hearts could be eased in the face of challenging conditions. It’s helpful to remember that we too can ease our hearts in this way, as we face into the particular challenges and fears that living at this time generates.
I hope the offerings in this issue will support you to explore how fear reveals itself in your life, and how you can work with it. Tara Brach’s reflections were written after Sept 11th. With our own version of ground zero and the impact it has had on individuals, families and the whole nation, her words are timely. Barbara Hammonds shares a personal experience of fear and how it unfolded while on the recent retreat ‘Practice for Hard Times’ with Eric Kolvig. Rashani’s poem ‘Again and Again’ calls us to move towards what we find most difficult and painful, where we find, paradoxically, that which can open us to the fullness and radiance of being.
May all beings be happy,
May all beings be peaceful,
May all beings have ease of wellbeing,
May all beings be free from fear.
Kanya Stewart
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WISE WORDS
If, with the mindfulness rope, The elephant of the mind is tethered all around, Our fears will come to nothing, Every virtue (will) drop into our hands.
Shantideva, 8th Century Indian Buddhist Scholar
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REFLECTION I: Leaning Into Fear: Gateway to Freedom
“We have to face the pain we have been running from. In fact, we need to learn to rest in it and lets its searing power transform us.” – Joko Beck
In Pali, the language of the Buddhist scriptures, the word for fear and the word for separate is the same. The feeling of fear goes hand in hand with the sense of separation. Separation is painful because we feel disconnected from the fullness of being alive. Everything we depend on to feel aliveness — our body and mind, other people — is subject to decay and death. We live in fear of losing our physical life, losing the relationships that sustain our emotional life. This fear of loss is the primal mood of the separate self. It shadows us through every passing season. And when, as on September 11, the raw pain of loss turns harsh and immediate, fear becomes a dominant force in our individual and collective psyches.
I often find my anxiety sticking to whatever is going on immediately in my life — getting to the airport on time, the early symptoms of a cold, helping my son with a project. But when I ask what is really bothering me and then look deeply enough, the ultimate issue is death. On some level I always feel as though I am always facing death. My parents are getting older and someday there will be a phone call that lets me know the end is near. My son, the center of my universe, will graduate from high school and leave home in a few short years. My body is noticeably aging.
Many dear people in my life are feeling physically handicapped. This life is fragile, and loss is all around me. While the separation of death is the ultimate loss, any loss of connection is a part of dying. I fear the loss of love if I let down a friend. The loss of connection if I don’t spend time with my son. The loss of feeling at home with myself if I don’t take the time to meditate. Everything I’m afraid of has to do with the pain of separation—from loved ones, from my inner life, from life itself.
Although fearing the pain of loss is biological and universal, because it is so compelling, fear profoundly shapes our sense of identity. When fear arises, we pull into ourselves, clinging to whatever we perceive as our core, the way a sea anemone does when it is poked. We feel ourselves to be a self, protecting our life. Even when we have no conscious thoughts about threats to our existence, our fundamental sense that “something is wrong” keeps us on edge and prevents us from resting in the openness and freedom of our essential nature. We are in the trance of fear — our identity confined by fear, our perceptions distorted by fear.
Awakening from the Trance of Fear
In a popular teaching story, a man being chased by a tiger leaps off a cliff in his attempt to get away. Fortunately, a tree growing out of the side of the cliff breaks his fall. As he dangles precariously — tiger pacing above, jutting rocks hundreds of feet below — desperately he yells out, “Help!” A voice responds, “Yes?” The man screams, “God, God, is that you?” Again, “Yes.” Terrified, the man says, “God, I’ll do anything, just please, please, help me.” God responds, “Okay then, just let go.” The man pauses for a moment and then calls out, “Is anyone else there?”
Letting go of what seems to be our lifeline is the last thing we want to do in the face of fear. We find temporary security in accumulating possessions, in mental obsessing, in drinking three glasses of wine each evening. Why let go? The tiger’s mouth and the jutting rocks are the last places we want to be. But to truly awaken we must let go of the tree limb and fall into the fear, opening to the sensations and the wild play of feelings in our body. We have to agree to feel what our mind tells us is “too much.” We have to agree to the pain of dying, the inevitable loss of all we hold dear.
Ronald was sitting a ten-day retreat that I was leading. About five days into the retreat, he told me that he’d been thinking of his mother who had recently survived a stroke, but might never again be able to walk or talk. He thought about his wife who was struggling with chronic depression. He’d been telling himself that he was powerless to help. The people he loved were suffering and he couldn’t change that.
Although he could feel the rising tide of anxiety in his chest, Ronald felt removed from its real force. This numbness was familiar. At home, Ronald felt distant and detached when his wife described her feelings of hopelessness. Intellectually he cared but, as he put it, “I wasn’t able to be in the trenches with her. I couldn’t really relate.” At these times, he felt as though his body was dead and his heart was hard. Now a similar thing was happening. He knew that a huge well of pain was there, but he wasn’t going near it and his mind was racing a million miles an hour.
The key to awakening from the bind of fear is moving from our mental stories into contact with our immediate felt experience. The story, if we remain aware and do not get stuck inside it, can be an opening into the raw fear itself. Without dismissing the story, we can drop under it to connect with the feelings that live in our body. We directly sense the center of the body — the throat, heart and stomach. These are the physical zones where emotions most fully manifest themselves. Here we can feel squeezing, pressing, burning, trembling, quaking, jittering life. We awaken from the trance of fear by experiencing this energy where it is most immediate and alive.
Because Ronald felt so blocked from the immediacy of his fear, he moved toward the fear by inquiring “How big are you?” In answer he could sense a feeling of terror that would fill the entire universe. He thought, “If I accept this, I’ll be annihilated and die. The bigness and pain will kill me.” Ronald realized he was saying yes and fighting at the same time. His heart was pounding, and in his stomach he felt cramping and nausea. He could feel how his tensing against the fear compounded its intensity, so much so that he felt like his heart would explode. His every animal instinct was clutching, but he wanted to stop the war. As he put it, “I wanted to surrender my fearful self into something bigger than fear. I wanted to give up trying to control life.” His conscious longing to let go empowered him to fully say “yes” to the immensity of his fear. He imagined himself lying down and letting go into it. “I was dying. I felt like my body was breaking apart, that I was lost in a storm of burning winds and my ashes were being dispersed in all directions.” He was letting go into fear, and the fear was surrendered into the endless space of awareness.
Leaning into fear in this way might feel to us, as Joko Beck puts it, like “lying down on an icy couch.” It can be extraordinarily difficult to let ourselves relax into it — we want to hold back for fear of even more wrenching pain. Still, we can settle down into discomfort. We can let the hard edges press into us, the sharpness stab us, the violence pull us apart. We keep softening into what’s there, letting go of resistance. It’s clearly not the most comfortable place, but it suits our needs in a crucial way. When we lie down on the icy couch of our fear, we begin to unlearn our tendency to hold back from life.
Our True Refuge From Fear
As long as we’re alive, we feel fear. It’s an intrinsic part of our make-up, as natural as a cold winter day or the winds that rip branches off trees. If we resist it, we become solidified as a small, endangered self and miss a powerful opportunity for awakening. Our willingness to face the darkness frees us from our identity with the trance of fear. As we offer the forces of the night a devoted presence, we become that presence. The intensity of fear compels us to inhabit the fullness of our Being—loving, open awareness. This is our Buddha nature, our true refuge, our only refuge in the face of fear. We become the vast sea cradling the passing waves of fear, anger and grief that sweep across its surface.
But there may be times when the fear feels like “too much,” times that it has been sustained or intense, times when we’re worn down. The art of spiritual practice is to sense what’s needed. Our intention is full and kind presence, and sometimes we need help in restoring our balance and relaxing our heart. We may need to remember our belonging by talking to someone we trust, by walking among the birds and trees. Sometimes the most compassionate approach is to take a break, drink some tea, rest. We may need to stop and pray and call on our awakened Being.
With practice, we find we can handle fear. We can even handle our deepest fear, the inevitable death of our impermanent self. We cultivate this capacity daily by letting go into less acute fears. With more intense fear, we lean in as best we can. We practice dying as we let go of resisting pain, mental preoccupation, having to be right, trying to be in control. As we let go and face fear, we naturally call on the radiant and changeless awareness that has room for living and dying. We open to the awareness that, as Rilke put it, “can contain death, the whole of death…can hold it in one’s heart gentle, and not… refuse to go on living.” We awaken into the awareness that is our true refuge, our true home.
Tara Brach, (Spring 2002.) Leaning Into Fear: Gateway to Freedom. Awakening Mind 3.2, http://www.tarabrach.com
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POEM: Again and Again
It is only by breaking open entirely, by allowing our heart
and whole being
to break open again
and again,
wider than we ever thought possible,
that the unbreakable jewel is revealed:
The belovedness of being itself,
the radiant diamond
that we have always been.
By loving,
truly loving every aspect
of who we are,
an inexplicable laughter is born
from the deepest sorrow,
an exquisite song emerges
from the most terrifying scream,
the most tender child is awakened
through the hateful murderer,
our purest holiness is revealed
by our willingness to embrace
the very thing that most frightens us~
And we find unexpectedly
the treasure
where we least expect it to be.
Often in the most disavowed part
of who we are.
Rashani Rea, http://www.rashani.com
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REFLECTION II: Working with Fear
During the recent retreat Practice for Hard Times, with Eric Kolvig, the mind state of fear was asked about, and I found his response very helpful.
Eric suggests fear can be difficult to work with because it tends to pervade the whole system, which makes it hard to dis-identify from. Fear can be a response to an immediate threat, in which case we do need to take action, so a reality check on the situation is probably the first step. Am I in danger? Is someone else in danger? If not, we can work with the mind state. Eric suggested the next step was to identify the particular nature of the fear, for example panic or mild anxiety; then to drop the story line (easier said than done); and then to invite the feeling closer and really investigate how it manifests in the mind and body. This is when we might notice how pervasive it is. And finally, being able to see ‘This is just a mind state, this is fear’, rather than ‘I’m afraid’, in this way dis-identifying. Eric teaches that fear tends to underly anger, grief and desire, so is a key mind-state to understand.
During the retreat I had an experience of fear which I thought might be helpful to outline, even though I could only investigate it in hindsight. The situation that triggered the fear was seeing the doors being locked at night by the retreat manager before he went to bed, and the thought that arose was ‘What if there are people still outside – what will they do?’ I felt quite anxious, almost to the stage of panic, at this thought, then half-pie remembered Tara Brach’s acronym RAIN: recognise; allow or accept; investigate; non-identify, and thought, right, I can recognise this, it’s fear (as Eric suggested in the later discussion, the particular nature of the fear sounded like anxiety). But I skipped the ‘allow’ step and jumped straight to ‘investigate’. As I was still caught up in the story line, I was actually following the story line, and my thinking was “They’d have to tap on someone’s window to get let in”, and I hoped it wouldn’t be Eric’s. Then, still caught in the anxiety, I thought I heard someone trying the outside door, down the other end of the corridor from me, and felt that I had to respond (which I saw later was also partly driven by wanting to know I was right), so I was out my door and down the corridor to see if I could be helpful. There was no-one at the door, so I went to bed, reassured by the thought that if there was someone outside, they could wake someone up to get let in. By recognising that no-one was actually in danger, I could let go of the feeling of being responsible.
If I could re-run this scenario, how would I do it? Firstly, was anyone really in danger? Hopefully I’d pretty quickly realise, no. Secondly, identify the particular nature of the fear as anxiety. Then, drop the story line (if I hadn’t managed to convince myself no-one was in danger this could be tricky), and really investigate how I was experiencing the anxiety in the body and mind -(and this is mostly guesswork at this point, tension in the legs and chest, and a contracted, cloudy mind state, colouring my thoughts.) Finally, recognising this as a mind state. My experience in general with working with mind states is if I can really drop into awareness of the physical sensations it then becomes easier to see the contracted mind, and then see that whatever is going on is not me, it is a mind state.
And, in case you were wondering, yes, people were locked out, twice, and yes, they did manage to get themselves let in (at least once by Eric).
– Barbara Hammonds. Barbara is an environmental activist. She lives in Taranaki.
Dharma talks and writings by Eric Kolvig can be downloaded from links on his website at http://www.erickolvig.com
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WISE WORDS
Today, like every other day, we wake up empty
and frightened. Don’t open the door to the study
and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.
Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.
Rumi
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CULTIVATING THE DHARMA GARDEN: Dealing with Fear in the Dharma Garden
When working in the garden I sometimes hear a bellbird sound its alarm call if I get near to where it is concealed in a tall shrub. Once I accidentally got too close to a pheasant on her nest in the long grass, and her raucous shriek as she leapt into the air certainly frightened me for a moment, as it was no doubt meant to. For the last few months, when I have been working in the garden, I have heard and felt earthquakes. Once I was kneeling on the soil, weeding a bed in preparation for planting tomatoes, when I heard a low rumble, then the sound of the house starting to shake and rattle, while the ground rippled beneath my knees.
However, quakes which are felt strongly in the house, because they shake the wooden floor and rattle the sash windows, are often not felt at all outside. After the big quake on February 22, even though we were in no actual danger in our one-storey wooden house, the garden still felt like the best place to be. We sat out on the lawn with a cup of tea, and saw and heard the house shiver and groan with each big aftershock. I decided to garden for the rest of the day, as it was soothing to be outside.
But awful news of the devastation of Christchurch and the loss of lives was coming through on the transistor radio, and I feared for my family and friends in town. I also empathised with the fear of those on or near falling buildings. At the same time the radio also brought news of the outbreak of civil war in Libya, and the attack on Benghazi, and I imagined the terror of the children being bombed and shelled, and the double fear of their parents, for their own lives and those of their children. Not even their gardens were safe places to be.
There is nothing dangerous in or about my garden, yet the fears of others are constantly present, whenever I allow them into my mind. As I grow good food I especially think of the one billion people in the world who are already malnourished, and live in constant fear of starvation. My garden is a safe place in which to contemplate these fears, and to refresh myself over and over again for the dharma practice of compassionate action.
Christine’s further reflections on the role of gardens as good places to be in frightening times can be seen on her blog http://ecogardenernz.blogspot.com
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WISE WORDS
We need not fear the arising of thoughts
only fear being too slow to notice them.
Once we take notice of any thought
the mind is then flooded with awareness
which swallows the thought. It can now be seen
for what it was before we reacted to it:
a harmless, simple verbal synapse.
Our job is not to eradicate thoughts
but to desist from reacting to them.
If the non-arising of thoughts is our goal
then rocks are enlightened.
Ian McCrorie, The Moon Appears When the Water is Still
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BOOK REVIEW: Unlearning Meditation, by Jason Siff, Shambala Publications, ISBN978-159030-752-6, paperback
Relatively unknown in New Zealand,long-term practitioner Jason Siff has a strong following in Australia and the United States, which in my opinion is well deserved. His book contains a short biography which informs readers of his background, where his practice started, and where it’s progressing to. Attending his recent Wellington workshop, I found him a skilled communicator. Trained largely in Sri Lanka, he conveys a calmness that allows his teachings to be easily followed.
I find the book’s main title ‘Unlearning Meditation’ somewhat vexing. If learning leads to wisdom, then unlearning leads to – what? Once I got over the title and fixed on the subtitle, ‘What to do when the instructions get in the way’, the book makes sense.
Is there anyone who doesn’t become “blocked” on occasions when meditating? Jason offers some suggestions as to how to work with what he labels an impasse, as well as covering areas that mainstream instructions slip over, or ignore. He advocates using journaling as a way to work with thoughts that arise during meditation.
Not a book to flick through on a rainy Sunday,‘Unlearning Meditation’ is best digested chapter by chapter, testing and applying each chapter in turn. The writing is clear and easy to understand.
His website at http://www.skillfulmeditation.org is amongst the best I have visited and definitely worth a visit. Plenty of stuff, and easy to navigate around.
Euan Krogh
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THEMES: for upcoming issues
Short contributions from readers (original or fully attributed) on the theme of the month are welcomed. Please email them to the Editor – kanya @ insightaotearoa.org
JUNE 2011 – Dharma in Daily Life. Deadline for contribution: Sunday May 22
JULY 2011 – Interconnectedness. Deadline for contribution: Sunday June 26
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RESOURCES: for Dharma study and support
1. NEW! ON-LINE ARTICLE: Studies show physical benefits of meditation
In 2007 a range of American scientists began an in-depth study (The Shamatha Project) of the physical and psychological benefits of meditation. Jo Marchant reported on findings to date in The Observer on April 24, under the heading ‘A study at a US Buddhist retreat suggests eastern relaxation techniques can protect our chromosomes from degenerating’
Read her article on findings to date at http:// www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/apr/24/meditation-ageing-shamatha-project
2. NEW! ON-LINE INTERVIEW: Tragic vision and the first ennobling truth
Suffering, dealing with it, how we engage or avoid it, is not new to Buddhism. How a religion may treat it can be very different from philosophical approaches to suffering.
Australian insight meditation teacher Winton Higgins is interviewed by Ted Meissner in the latest episode of The Secular Buddhist podcast, and their discussion focuses around tragic vision and the first ennobling truth. You can listen to it at http://www.thesecularbuddhist.com/episode_061.php.
Winton Higgins began meditating in 1987, becoming an active supporter of Wat Buddha Dhamma in 1994. A year later, he began leading retreats at the Wat, and since then has led retreats for Blue Gum Sangha and Sydney Insight Meditators.
Following the insight meditation tradition, he is particularly interested in the convergence of dharma practice and progressive western values such as democracy, feminism and social inquiry. His teaching has an affinity with the work of Stephen Batchelor and Jason Siff.
Some of his dharma talks are available as PDF documents at http://www.beaches-sangha.org/Downloads/default.aspx.
2. Locally-produced Stephen Batchelor DVDs/on-line talks
The November 2010, panel discussion between Buddhist teacher Stephen Batchelor and Christian theologian Lloyd Geering at St Andrews on The Terrace in Wellington is now available as a DVD. A well attended meeting, the DVD includes responses to the questions which were put by a lively audience. The topic of the evening’s discussion was “Can Christianity and Buddhism Remain Relevant in the 21st Century?”. Also available is a DVD of the talk that Stephen Batchelor gave at the National Library in Wellington in December 2004 on the topic of his book “Living With The Devil”.
Produced by the Wellington Insight Meditation community, each DVD costs $30, including postage. To get one or more DVDs, make a deposit into the WIMC account at Kiwibank 38 9010 0244181 00 with the reference ‘Geering Batchelor DVD’, “Batchelor DVD” or “both DVDs”. At the same time send a message to treasurer @ wimc.org.nz letting treasurer Janice Hill know how much you’ve deposited, which DVDs you want along with your postal address. Alternatively, send a cheque to WIMC, PO Box 6626, Marion Square, Wellington 6141 with a letter stating which DVD you want, and how many copies. OR You can watch both the 2010 panel discussion and the 2004 talk online at http://www.wimc.org.nz.
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‘MINDFULNESS IN PLAIN ENGLISH’ This excellent basic guide to Insight meditation by the Ven Henepola Gunaratana can now be downloaded from http://www.urbandharma.org/dharma4/mpe.htm
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AOTEAROA BUDDHIST EDUCATION TRUST A charitable trust which raises funds to bring insight meditation teachers to New Zealand. To find out more visit http://www.abet.net.nz
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INSIGHT MEDITATION IN AOTEAROA ON THE WEB
http://www.insightmeditation.org.nz – information on New Zealand’s insight meditation practitioners and communities
http://www.insightaotearoa.org – the website for this newsletter
http://www.southern.insightmeditation.org.nz – Christchurch sangha Southern Insight’s website
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THE LAST WORD:
When a person feels threatened, he may hold himself continuously on a war-footing – suspicious, aggressive, violent – and feel that this is what is needed to protect himself. By doing so however, he may well be provoking from all those he encounters the very behaviours he is trying to deflect. Showing suspicion, aggression and violence he invites these very responses from others, and thus he is contributing directly to his own lack of real security. What appears to b an effective short-term strategy turns our to do considerable long-term and unforseen damage.
If, on the other hand, a person stays for the most part in a peaceful intentional stance, she will regularly influence people in the direction of the wholesome. Even if she must rear up from time to face down the evil intentions of others, she is not distorting her peaceful character in the moments intervening between these incidents. While there might be some greater short-term risk, the long-term prospects of a wholesome outcome are much improved.
Andrew Olendzki (2010) Unlimiting Mind, U.S.A. Wisdom Publications, p.48
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with metta, Christine Dann, Kanya Stewart – supported by Marianne Adams & Peter Fernando. Thanks to Ron Dubin & Caren Wilton for their technical expertise & support, and to Ilana Becroft and Margo Schiller, who send out the hard copy.